LOO LOO SKIP TO MY LOO

or…..

FLUSHED WITH SUCCESS

or…..

WORLD IN CRISIS: PRESIDENT LEAVES TOILET SEAT UP!

Has there ever been a more symbolic example of the differences in male and female mindsets than that of the humble toilet seat? The shrine has inadvertently become a shrine – a shrine to the silent battle of the chromosomes.

I confess, I am a reformed toilet seat leaver upper. Years of training and reprogramming have finally made it habit and got me to the point of subconciously registering the sex of a toilet's previous user upon entering the smallest room in the house.

I don't have an issue with it. I do it out of courtesy not guilt.
After years of not thinking about it at all the penny finally dropped some time back that women really do like it that way.
My main beef is finding unflushed beef, skid marks or yellow peril. A different subject all together which has less to do with men and women and clearly more to do with barbaric primates.

So why do women have an issue with it?
That is the question.
Lid up or lid down a clean toilet is a clean toilet isn't it?

I was at a party the other night and stumbled into a conversation where three women were actually bemoaning their partners' inability to 'close the deal'. What I initially thought was an opening turned out to be all about closing.
It seemed no amount of nagging by the ladies could get the message through.

I offered them the lame excuse that it could be instinct. If a man, caught short, takes a leak in the woods he doesn't then cover his 'patch' with leaves he just leaves.
They countered with it was just laziness.
I ran to the net and volleyed that it can't be just laziness otherwise we would never close the front door on cold nights or turn the light off to go to sleep.
Then they lobbed one over my head to take the point with "if it's not laziness then it's just carelessness or thoughtlessness".

I had to agree.
But pressed on. If the contents had been disposed of properly does it really matter? Hoping that the subject of poor marksmanship would not, if I may be so bold, raise it's ugly head.
Thankfully it didn't, although much later in the party, I'm sure it would've.

Instead the over-riding theme was that "it just looked cleaner."
There was no scientific evidence, no clear hygenic proof – it just looked cleaner.
JUST LOOKED CLEANER?!?!?!?!
And I thought looks weren't as important to women!
Just how shallow are they!?

But then again…..
I am just a man.

IF IT AIN’T BROKEN DON’T FIX IT

Well it is broken and, tools or no tools, I do intend to fix it.

Howdy,
Before we get started on this journey of mutual self discovery I have not so creatively titled Just A Man I feel I should point out a few things:

• This is not an us against them, men versus women thang. I love women and actually prefer their company to men. JAMS is instead merely an expression of one man's views on the ebb and flow of the male/female relationship. It is more about the differences that bind us together rather than those that push us apart.
• As you will discover I am clearly not an expert on the subject.
• I am not mangry. There is no hidden agenda here to "get even".
• I am neither stubborn nor narrow minded and welcome any alternative thought or feedback.

So buckle up and join me in a drive through the slums and mansions of my mind as together we try to unlock the mysteries of life, love and happiness.

But remember…….

I am just a man!