Archive for October, 2006


October 28, 2006

Linerider will take that five minutes and turn it into an hour.
That is inflation for you!



October 28, 2006

If everything old is new again (also known as Madonna has a new CD out) then surely the much awaited return of the humble moustache is just around the corner if not actually there, visible, bristling with macho godliness on the horizon.

Let’s face it, the FBG or Full Blown Goatee, like James Blunt’s soppy lyrics, has been relegated to ‘a thing of the past’. Unless of course your ‘thing’ is drinking cheap bourbon and colafrom a can, driving a car still in primer and thinking trackie dacks are a universal fashion garment suitable for all occasions. The FBG still reigns supreme here like crap popcorn at a cinema.

The FBG was of course replaced by the LLHM or Lower Lip Hitler Mo.
It comes in two varieties:

1. The standard LLHM which is basically a one centimetre by one centimetre fuzzy growth eminating from below the lower lip in a central location.


2. Accompanied by the FCC or Furry Chin Chisel which is basically a closely cropped bottom of a goatee.

Together the LLHM and FCC have provided men with a more modern facial follicle facade as a viable alternative to the traditional clean shave for the past few years.

But JAMS asks is it time to move on again?
Is it time to return to the more traditional family values of a good honest mo? (and we are not talking lawns either!)

If it was good enough for seventies porno films it is surely good enough for the average man in the street!

All it needs to get the ball rolling quicker than loud shirts at a bowling alley is a role model. A spokesman if you like. A walking advertisement. Somebody males the world over look up to and respect as the quintessential epitome of male virility.

That is why I believe it is up to Sir Elton John to rehash the tash!


October 24, 2006

If Maxwell Smart walked backwards could he reverse the charges on his shoe ‘phone?


October 21, 2006

Yes, I know they are more full of crap than a busted toilet or an election promise but have a squiz at my horoscope  from a leading Melbourne daily newspaper for today:

Through the majority of the day you should be able to get a working matter completed. This may sound boring, but it is an appropriate thing to be doing as there is little motivation for much else. Besides, you’ll feel pretty good knowing you got it completed. It’d be nice to do something a little out of the ordinary later on, only if you feel like it though. Otherwise, take it easy.

It starts out okay.
Turns out that even though it is Saturday I will be going in to work. Spooky! How did they know?
And I sorta feel pretty good – it’s double dollars for weekend shifts.

But what exactly are they hinting at here “It’d be nice to do something a little out of the ordinary later on, only if you feel like it though. Otherwise, take it easy.”?

You don’t think I got Madonna’s horoscope by accident do you?


October 20, 2006

Do the French blog arrogantly?


October 20, 2006

I’ve got my reasons mind you.

I’ve been battling a ‘medical condition’ of late that I still haven’t overcome.

Back in June, cashed up with my tax return cheque, I hit the local pub scene with the sole purpose of getting laid.
Wasn’t after a conversation.
Wasn’t after a second helping.
And definitely wasn’t after breakfast.

So anyhoo, I hook up with this maddy named Veronica Stetson. But to protect her identity let’s call her Back Alley Sally (BAS). BAS is clearly out on the chase also and is more than good to go which is a huge bonus cos I really couldn’t be bothered getting her and me all lagered up for the event.

Bless her heart BAS was as keen as she was mad and we soon found ourselves in the back of my work van where she exploded quicker than you can say North Korea. About twenty or so minutes in though things start taking a ‘turn’.

“I wanna whip you”, BAS screams.

“WHAT!?!?”, I reply suddenly frightened.

“I wanna whip you. It really gets me off”, she yells.

And with that she rips off the radio antenna from my van and starts whacking my arse like there is no tomorrow.

Well there was a tomorrow.
And my arse looked like bok choy.
Two weeks later I still couldn’t sit down so I went to see a doctor.
No sooner had I dropped my strides then the Doc just gasped in horror.

“Is it bad Doc?” I whimpered.

“Bad?”, says the Doc, “This is the worse case of van aerial disease I’ve ever seen!”